ABERDEEN (AP) – Debra and Brian La Croix have heard all the arguments against being a foster parent more than once, and they dismiss one after the other.
The arguments are so common that Debra :a Croix completes her husband's thought before he can finish it.
Brian La Croix said, "The biggest objection I always hear is ..."
"I would be too sad. I would love them too much," she said.
Brian La Croix said parents don't want to get attached and then send the children home.
"My response is, 'It's not about you, it's about them. You're there to provide a safe environment for them until they can go back home,'" he said.
Time is also an argument – or rather a lack of it. But Brian La Croix said it's about making the time.
"We don't have any more time than anyone else," he said.
In their case, he said, his wife was a stay-at-home mom. But at times he has worked three jobs. And, he said, there's support available from the state.
Brian, 55, and Debra, 54, had five children in the house when they started as foster parents in 2004. While some of them have graduated and live elsewhere, the household is even bigger now. Two of the sibling groups they were foster parents for – seven in total – have been adopted into their family.
Watertown foster parent Andrea Shupe said the arguments against are almost insulting, the Aberdeen American News reported.
"These kids, when they are put into the system, they didn't have a say. They're young kids. ... Why wouldn't I go through that minor heartache and be that stability for them, that love for them, so they can see what it's like to be in a stable environment and what it should be like when they go back."
Shupe, 34, works full time as operations and productions manager for Informational Data Technologies and fosters as a single mom – currently for four young boys.
"It's totally doable," she said. "I have my village of love and support, and that's all I need."
Shupe said her current foster children are pre-teens and teens from two different families. Her secret? Structure.
"I have a lot of ground rules. We have a schedule and routine that stays constant. Putting routines in place are by far the most important," she said. "Our house would fall into chaos without the structure and routine."
It's that structure that helps the kids feel like they're part of a temporary family, she said.
Having that structure, Shupe said, is a shift from the chaos the children have had in their lives, but it's also less stressful. She said her goal is to make sure the kids focus on issues like bed time and homework as opposed to if there's food for supper. For example, she said, she has a full tummy rule in her house – no one leaves the table hungry.
Shupe said some of the kids who enter the foster system have had to worry about money or food, but her goal is to provide an environment where those worries can be set aside.
She is relatively new to foster parenting – starting 18 months ago – but, she said, she loves it.
Through the years, Debra La Croix said, the need for foster parents always picks up when school is in session. That's when teachers and other school officials notice if, for instance, a child doesn't have winter attire. Those are the critical need times.
Virgena Wieseler, division director for Child Protection Services for the South Dakota Department of Social Services, agrees there are more referrals while school is in session.
"When school starts we see more referrals – schools, medical doctors, law enforcement and family members – those are making the reports," she said.
While children get removed from a home for a variety of reasons, Wieseler said, the goal is to help parents in changing their behavior and improving lives at home so the families can be reunited. Some options for parents include both mental health and substance abuse treatment.
"Right now in South Dakota our goal at social services is to prevent the removal of children form their families, but there are times when it's not safe," said Laurie Gill, cabinet secretary for the state Department of Social Services.
As Gov. Kristi Noem talks about adoption and foster care, Gill said, it's created more interest.
"We've got momentum and people are getting excited," Gill said.
But the demand for foster parents is increasing as addiction becomes more of an issue. Wieseler said during the past few years there's been an increase in the number of children in custody.
"When we look at the kids in the system because of addiction that's a huge factor," she said.
Statistics from the Department of Social Services support that. Placement requests were up to 1,215 in fiscal year 2019. Five years earlier, in fiscal year 2014, requests were at 888.
In an email response to questions about the growing need for foster parents, Wieseler said she attributes the rise in foster placement requests to a rise in drug-related neglect with the primary drug of choice being methamphetamine.
In any situation where placement is needed for children, Wieseler said, a relative is preferred, but not always available.
"There is a significant need for more Native American foster families," she said. "In addition, more families are needed for teens (ages 12 to 18), sibling groups and children with complex emotional and medical needs."
While foster families are needed across the state, Wieseler said, the need is greatest in central and western South Dakota.
While the goal is to return children to their families, Debra and Brian La Croix know that doesn't always happen. Parental rights are terminated. Two sibling groups they fostered have since become permanent members of their family through adoption. With five biological children, those adoptions expanded their family by seven.
Wieseler said adoptions by foster families do happen. Of the 186 adoptions handled through the Department of Social Service in fiscal year 2019, 86% (or about 160) were with foster parents. And of those, 40% (about 64) were relatives. Wieseler said relatives are not required to become foster parents, but some do. Doing so means additional training and financial support, she said.
Those interested in becoming foster parents should contact their local Department of Social Services office. A 10-week training program is required. This takes about 30 hours.
Debra La Croix said a home inspection is also completed to evaluate safety issues and make sure there's sufficient space for the children.
She said she was prepared in advance for the inevitability of foster children. Extra beds were in each of the bedrooms, and shelf and dresser space was open and ready. That way there was always a space for clothes and other items belong to the foster kids.
Counseling is also important, she said.
"We always go to counseling just in case an issue comes along," she said. "That way it's part of the routine."
While there might be concern that being a foster parent will open the floodgates to one foster request after another, the La Croixes and Shupe said the foster parents have the ultimate say in how many kids they're willing to care for at any given time. There is a maximum set by the state – no more than six under the age of 18. A foster parent can also decide, for example, if they only want to provide respite care, which is short-term relief care for other foster parent.
