The impact of loss on a person goes far beyond those first weeks when others surround them with care and concern. Parts of the impact are not recognized for months, maybe years.
Society tells one to move quickly past this process, mainly because it makes others uncomfortable and inconvenienced.
We become impatient with the emotional side of loss and, often, irritated when another’s grief continues past our preferred time frame. However, grief doesn’t start and stop in an orderly, confined time frame. Much of loss, grief, and the care of the grieving, if understood by society, would offer opportunity for healing and support.
It is obvious, when one takes time to consider it, to see that grief is a very individual experience. Each one of us will experience it according to several things: who we are, how we were raised, our personality, what else is going on in our life at the time of the loss, if we have a true support system, if there was unfinished business with the deceased, and many other items. One will not react to loss the same as their brother, neighbor, co-worker, parent, or anyone else. Loss, and the resulting grief, are unique to each individual. The path each need to journey to process loss and grief is theirs alone.
Grief is best defined as the emotional response to loss. Fowler, in The Ministry of Lament, states, “Grief seeps into many hidden crevices of human life, and its impact on real people goes beyond what concepts and metaphors have the power to convey.”
Kubler-Ross, longtime respected author on grief, has been often misquoted and her stages of grief misunderstood. Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief refer to individuals dying, not those suffering death of a loved one. Her intention was to help the dying understand and embrace their journey to death, though the larger picture of seeing that grief is multi-faceted is impactful to all.
Grief, as painful, exhausting, and paralyzing as it is, is a necessary part of our healing following loss. William Cowper, English poet and hymnodist, described grief itself as medicine. Why? Because grief cleanses the anguish from our souls. It loosens the tight clamp on our hearts.
It moves the pain of loss out of our focus, so that we may look to the memories of our loved ones’ lives with thankfulness and joy. Grieving expresses our on-going love for the one who is no longer with us.
Allowing ourselves to heal and continue with a meaningful life is a witness to our faith in God’s ultimate good and in our belief in the Resurrection.
Scripture I find comforting: Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 73:26, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Joshua 1:9, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
May we each find comfort in God’s Presence and strength from His Word as we journey on this path of grief and healing.
