As we were leaving Watertown recently after our shopping expedition at Target, and our usual visit to Caribou, we saw a wedding party at the park just before entering the interstate. It was picture time and difficult to determine whether the ceremony was set to begin or had been completed. The guests were still standing gathered in one place while the couple were elsewhere for wedding pictures.

That same evening I was aware of a wedding and reception across the street from our home. The parking lot of the former church was full and parents were walking their small children up and down the street, I suppose to give them some exercise outside instead of driving them crazy inside. Then the bride and groom appeared with a photographer. They posed in the street near our home for pictures.

As I sat in the backyard and watched this scene play out, I remembered a wedding where I was the minister and the photographer directed the wedding, including the ceremony. It was early in my ministry, and ever after I made sure there was a mutual understanding with the photographer as to when and where pictures were appropriate. 

My memory was also prodded to recall those special events and occurrences of weddings from the past. The first one I recalled was in the chapel of our campus ministry building at South Dakota State University. The chapel was a little longer than wide, seating comfortably 80 to 100 people and opening into a lounge at the rear. The altar was slightly raised and against the wall in front. This couple had chosen to approach the altar after sharing their vows to light a unity candle. There was a candle laying on the altar for each of them, that they could light from one lit on the altar. As they lit their individual candles, the groom, for some reason but not according to script, blew out the altar candle. Together, they lit their large votive candle. Then, as the couple extinguished their individual candles the groom blew too hard and blew out the unity candle as well. There was a moment of shocked silence in the congregation, followed by laughter and exclamations of surprise and panic.

The couple seemed frozen in shock. I was puzzled, recognizing matches were in my office several steps beyond the lounge. I was just about to retrieve them when one of the guests came forward with a lighter, gave it to the groom, and the unity candle was restored. It may have been an omen, as unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last.

A second wedding I remembered was an inter-religious ceremony in the Twin Cities. The groom came from a Hindu family in India and the bride from a Christian church I had served here in the U.S. The couple decided to honor both traditions with two ceremonies on the same day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. We attended the Hindu temple service in the morning, and I conducted the church ceremony in the afternoon. The bridal party wore the appropriate dress, with saris in the morning and gowns in the afternoon.   

The day flowed! If there were problems behind the scenes, I wasn’t aware of them. In my experience, it stands as a model of the best in inclusive religious practices.

Several more recent marriages were aided by 21st century technology, as we were not able to be together for marriage preparation in person. I normally require 12 to 15 hours of marriage preparation, where we discuss several themes like family background, financial needs, religious beliefs, etc. These Zoom calls can be interesting with both parties in the same screen and in their own comfortable environment. There was the time I asked who was the most stubborn, as the future groom quickly put his arm behind his intended bride and pointed down at her head. Being in their own space seems to lend itself to more serious and honest exploration of the issues we discuss.

The third experience I recalled and want to mention was a same-sex wedding. I had known one of the parties for several years, but as they were both in another state, most of our preparatory work was over the internet. The most gratifying thing about marriage preparation in this situation was how seriously the couple took it. For them, it was not just something you had to do, a requirement, an obligation, to just get behind you. Marriage for them was a gift, and they wanted to be as prepared as they could be. I’ve never had a couple as dedicated in preparation as they were.

Finally, there was the wedding in the gardens. It was a beautiful day, a handsome couple, a joyful gathering, and a smooth and meaningful ceremony. Just as the announcement of their marriage as husband and wife was concluded, a flock of monarch butterflies descended on the scene: a beautiful and promising ending, and beginning.